Into The Unknown

The last thing you need to hear before you leave on a road trip to Mexico is: "I hope I see you again" said in a tone that implies your safety is at risk. I've got enough on my mental plate without having to worrying asbout my physical safety. I'm more concerned about my VISA status and being allowed back into America and then I have another friend who wrote to me: "Have fun in Mexico. I hear people are coming back without heads." I do not think it is as bad as all that but why do people think I want to hear that? That's not encouraging. Even my dad's: "You'll be alright in Mexico because you won't go looking for trouble" is fairly back-handed consolation. I want to embrace this adventure, stress-free and with enthusiasm and excitement. 

My friend Keiran has been writing a hilarious blog at the Leggo Poker website and I'm really happy for him. He's been posting these funny videos and I wonder where he gets the animation from. I never knew he was so good at different voices, and it seems like he has made real strides in developing his comedy. When I get back I am going to spend some time brainstorming with him and hopefully coming up with a creative idea for an Australian sitcom. 

I've got some major issues with the iPod/iTunes set up. It's pretty frustrating that you can only sync up an iPod with one iTunes, and I just lost a few gigs worth of music as a result. If anyone knows of way around this problem please let me know. 

Intentionality

Intentionality is a buzz word for me that I will explain in greater detail in later posts. For now I will reveal that one of the most affronting things I have dealt with in the past few months is accusations that I was living/existing without integrity. I have always thought of myself as reliable, dependable guy and to be accused of such a thing was hard to take.

What it essentially meant was that I was doing things outside of agreements that I have made with other people: so, essentially, undeniably living without integrity. The situation I had agreed to was that I would finish my work before I went for my time off, yet a situation arose where it was more convenient for me to duck into town as soon as my time off started, get my errands done and then come back to finish my work. Unfortunately I was caught in the act and confronted about it. At first I was defensive (natural reaction), then I was bitter, then I became understanding, and finally I appreciated how and why it happened and learned from the whole scenario. As part of my counselor training I have been taught about living with integrity, and empathy: recognizing the emotions behind a criticism and personal attack may be bigger than personal slander.

I was disappointed with myself today when our mentor, Randy, caught me retelling a story when I mentioned that I had told a kid: "Why don't you just try wall 1?" (In reference to the climbing wall, which is difficult). He pointed out that I asked "why?" and that this was essentially challenging someone to work out their motivations, I had said "just": implying that wall one was less of an accomplishment and that if he didn't succeed he would have failed, and I said "try" as if I had no confidence in his ability to complete it. Of course this was not my intention when I said it, and it was a harmless throw-away sentence: so why did I say it? And did I say what I really meant?

Communicating in this lifetime has gotten a lot more complicated, and I am eager to master this new way of speaking and to convey my intention (there it is) more accurately. Does anyone have any thoughts on this?♠

US Border Patrol

As you read this keep in mind that I saw the movie, Machete, yesterday...

It seemed inevitable that while I was in America I would eventually have some confusion with their immigration and VISA policy. I thought I had done the right thing by applying for both the J-1 working visa and the B1/B2 extended tourist visa and that amount preparation would be enough to keep me out of trouble. Apparently not. I called several different immigration people and heard different stories from all of them. One thing was clear: I have to leave the country and re-enter. The other option being to fill out and process a form which would cost me another $300, which is as much as my 2 visas cost combined. Not an appealing option.

So it seemed to me as easy as ducking down to Mexico for a few days and coming back in to continue my travel adventure. I was excited for this plan and this excuse to visit Mexico until I started hearing different stories about having to stay out of the country for 30 days, then I heard that it depended on the mood of the border patrol officer and then I heard you could leave for 15 minutes then come right back in. Suffice to say I am concerned that when I go down to Mexico and then try to re-enter I am going to be denied entry and be stranded down there. The option then would be to fly to Canada, travel there for a while then head back to Australia. Whatever happens happens and is now beyond my control.

The guy I spoke to today assured me that I would be allowed to re-enter the States as long as I had proof I was going to leave (he conveniently avoided the question about whether I would have to stay out of the country for 30 days) so it is all systems go with my original plan. Apparently the tourist VISA means that I am allowed entry as a tourist up until that expires, not that I can stay here as a tourist until then. That was where the confusion came from. The B1/B2 VISA gives me 90 days in the country as a tourist, after which I am required to leave, and it will be back to Canada.

I tell you this so that you know you are not alone, and if you're in the same quandary this is a way of dealing with it. I found it most useful to ring the border patrol directly since they are the tough guys you will be dealing with.

The reference to Machete may not be self-evident, but it is to highlight how difficult it is to get into America...especially from Mexico.

Sunday 12th of September

As I begin this blog I am in Northern California, sitting in the office of Camp Augusta, the summer camp where I have just spent the last few months of my life. This is a place that has helped me enormously but my time here has come to an end and in a few days I will be setting off down the West Coast of America to visit Mexico with my good friend, Brian. Sometimes it takes putting things into words for you to realize how truly amazing life can be. I could never have pictured my life being as it is right now, and as it has been since May.

I am sure I am not alone in declaring that travel changes people. I saw it in my brother, my father, my mother and can already see it in myself. Already this trip has been more positive than my last, and it might be noted that this is the first time I have travelled alone. This year has been a year of firsts for me and these baptisms will eventually reveal themselves in later posts as I see fit. For now I content myself with a beginning and to looking to the future.

The last time I had a blog it ended about as badly as I can imagine any blog ending, with personal attacks and public criticism.I have no interest in that now, and should that eventuate it will take all my resolve to remain unaffected by it. Writing this is for me, genuinely, and it offers me an opportunity to reflect on my experiences as they occur and to note the thoughts and feelings I experience. I admit I have a terrible memory so hopefully taking this action will help to make these memories last.

It would take too long for me to familiarise any readers with the people in my life, though that may come eventually, so I will just refer to people without explaining too much about them unless I deem it necessary or valuable to do so. As a note and a promise to myself I will try to speak with intention at all times and avoid losing myself and my meaning in a cavalcade of unnecessary words. Sometimes I know I am guilty of that.

Today was the last day we spent at Betty's house. We spent the morning packing up our tents and I had said goodbye to some dear friends and a lovely girl named Jenn whom I saw far too little of over the course of the summer. We had tried to forge an intimate connection which I found difficult to do given the circumstances and the high demands placed on her time. I found it hard to sit there idly, feeling like I was always waiting for her attention when she had so many things to do. Even more unfamiliar was that she was completely independent: this is by no means a bad thing, it was merely confronting for me to have to face that I wasn't needed, I was wanted. There's a difference. When I thought about it I thought the latter was a more ideal situation, but I'll admit it provided me with less security than I was used to. So it was sad to say goodbye to her, though imagining life without her is not difficult since I saw her so little and our time together was usually in the very early hours of the morning after she woke me up. The course of this quasi-relationship made it clear to me that what I need is a combination of the right person in the right situation. One of these two is not enough. This was a major revelation since for so long I had convinced myself that relationships were all about finding The One, the right person and then making it work around that. Fuck that. That's a very idealistic view: a romantic notion that I indulged for far too long. Yes, of course I want a wonderful, attractive, interesting person to spend my time with, but the second half of that sentence is as important as the first. I need to have the opportunity to spend that time. There's no point having the cash in the bank if never have a chance to spend it. Maybe that makes me a needy guy. I'm glad I know what I want and what I need to feel close to someone. That is a first step to knowing myself.

I spent the afternoon cleaning up and going to the cinema to watch Machete. The movie was superficial and entertaining in all the right, not-too-serious ways. It certainly won't be everyone's cup of tea but for what it's worth it was fun. We got back to camp and I started this blog, and am in the process of putting a whole bunch of music on my iPod in preparation for my travels.

Right now I am reading the Three Musketeers (which is excellent), have been listening to Dashboard Confessional's Alter The Ending (which is surprisingly enjoyable) and thinking about writing a sitcom.

The most important part of my day was lunch. The reason it was significant was that I had an amazing chocolate shake and finding the best chocolate shake in America is my quest. All good travel adventures need a quest and that is what I decided on. I wanted to keep it simple, achievable and light. Why chocolate shakes? Because they've been around since before I was born and will be around long after I'm dead, in that sense they are more important to history than me. That's all the reason I need.

So we had lunch at Big A's in Grass Valley and for about $4 they have a great range of shake flavours and they represent great value. Overall I'm already really impressed by the quality of milkshakes in America and I look forward to continuing to find the best one.

N.B. It is not just shakes but also frozen yogurts, ice creams and creamy desserts in general that I interest myself in. Some notable mentions already (in order of preference):

- Culture Shock (Northern California)
- Shake Shack (NYC)
- Tom's Diner (NYC)
- Jack In The Box for fast food outlets.
- Chocolate Shoppe (Nevada City, CA)